this is the cutest video in the entire world. this seal is just so afraid for this dumb weird baby she thinks she’s found out in the ocean. have a bird. have another bird. no, see, eat the bird! the bird is food! why won’t this stupid baby eat. open your mouth you idiot baby i will feed you bird if it’s the last thing i do
a guy at school today was wearing this damn fine red nail polish and I heard these two girls whispering angrily and looking in his direction so I listened in expecting them to be weird about it and the first thing I hear is “how the HELL did he get it so good did he get it professionally done or something you need to ask him where he found that colour jesus fucking christ are you KIDDING me”
I think this is a good example of how the world should work.
MY FISH DIED LAST NIGHT AND I PROMISED TO GET IT OUT OF THE TANK AND BURY IT IN THE MORNING BUT NOW IT’S ALIVE AND SWIMMING AROUND???? IT WAS MISSING BODY PARTS AND HALF IT’S TAIL AND THEYRE BACK WHAT RHE FUCK IS HAPPENING
if anyone ever calls you a slut just say ‘and yet i still won’t fuck you’ and then blow them a kiss as you saunter away because that’s the closest they’re ever gonna get to your magnificence, o smaug, chiefest and greatest of calamaties